Jodoh

Assalamualaikum..
Hi. It's Saturday. I actually have a few things to write. Today is Ida's big day, her engagement day. Congrats cuzzy! I am so happy for her. She is one of my closest cousins and technically we grown up together. Before this, she engaged with the one she dated in college, but I guess they are just not meant to be together. Tiada jodoh. I am so glad she moved on and finally met someone. ^^

I will be there, witness her being engaged, be with her and always pray the best for her. She deserves to be happy. May Allah ease everything today. Aamiin. 

Next is about me. My friend Shahrul matched me up with his friend from work. He is 31 years old, a shy person, mature, solat, non smoker, and the second youngest in his family. I am actually not really into this relationship for now, but Shahrul insisted.

So, I accepted the offer just for friends. This guy is kind and everything. The problem is just me. I am not ready yet. He even already planned about marriage. I like a guy who has plans for future. It's just..me. I am not ready to spend my entire life with any guy, since I have health situation. I am afraid I cannot give whatever my future husband wants. My health condition is kind of complicated enough already. I am also afraid of acceptance from his family though. Because for sure, I cannot give them children. Too much risks. :'(  Don't you think it is a bit selfish if I accept him? I seriously don't know what to do. Now, I am just focusing on searching my happiness and keep enjoying my current life. 

At the other point, I am so grateful for knowing a good guy like him. I remember he told me that he is willing to accept the way I am and wait till I change my mind. I don't know if it is true since everyone can say that but still, I think it's beautiful. I told him not to wait for me. Sounds like jual mahal kan, but apparently it is not. I am telling him the truth. I don't want to hurt him, especially when I am the first women he ever asked for a relationship. Guilty? Yes I am. But what can I do? Now I only can pray to Allah. May Allah guide us to the right way. Amin. 




XOXO,
Ella